I realised not eating means I feel cold much easier. Brrrr. And stupid gastric during my meeting of all things. Hate gastric... One pain followed by another...
I see the difference I guess... perhaps its too difficult bah... should I lie or tell the truth? Would you bother?
I shouldn't have been pushy I guess... a better explanation would have been better bah... in the end like forcing the acceptance :( But still its given in the best possible intentions. A wish. I wonder if I'll garner anything besides guilt... gratefulness would be nice... happiness would be best... Besides I actually quite enjoyed doing such 'stupid' things. Purpose, Creativity, Determination among other traits used. And reaching the end point. But above all is the person's reaction~ I love to see the receiver smile, or face lighten up... Because brightening other's day brightens mine... But it seems though I always work towards that. It never reaches there. Perhaps I have poor social skills or poor ability to read people. I always seem to produce more dislike, anger, guilt, etc. And it only applies in my case. Usually if you ask me for advice, I'll probably being able to give you some good ones. And I would say I do read people well. The problem arises when its related to me...
It seems the hours just before dawn are always longest. In this season of winter, my days are short and nights long. I look to the time when the sun will rise on me again...
And I'm beginning to think that I should be less open in my posting. Perhaps I really shouldn't share my thoughts and just keep things to myself. Not like if I knew whether you actually are bothered about me when you arrive at this page. Or whether you come here to see a show. I would like to know. A reassurance would be nice but then I wouldn't count on it... sorry if I'm being unfair to you guys... secondly, maybe sharing does more harm... people always said to share, don't bottle it... ... I don't know... not like I can prove otherwise... But I still come here... In the end its like talking to my blog. No replies, nothing. But I talk it out. And in the end, some parts of me also find this the only way to tell you some things...
Maybe I just ask too much...
Many stuff up soon...
Hungry~
even when its hard to believe even when our hope seems all gone there has never been a night without a dawn...