I'm in neutral now. Things weighing down on both sides has pushed me into the admittance of a neutral state. I cannot bring myself to say okay because I ain't truly alright. Neither can I being myself to say I'm depressed because there has been good things as well. So I'm forced into a state of neutrality.
I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately. And I can't seem to find the answers. Not within me anyway. Maybe from an outside source bah. Ministry. Person. God. I'm scared to follow through in case I'm wrong, in case I be called a fool.
But before I forget. I really wanna thank God for my academics. I think its a mini miracle really. and in itself, I'm happy. But seeing others kinda take the edge of it a bit.
I'm glad the house is empty today. I can make as much noise as I want. Rather than to be quiet. I can talk to myself. Then at least the silence will be chased away, and I can talk about the stuff I wanna talk about.
I realised emo-alpha doesn't really like happy-alpha. Seems weird to him, the way that happy-alpha is. As for me, I don't really know which alpha I prefer. Maybe its just because I don't see a lot of happy-alpha so it seems a little weird on hindsight. So for people who have seen my smile and laugh a lot, its a privilege hor~ Even I don't find that often...
Am not sad, am not happy. In between. A state of neutrality.
*edit*
Something has tipped the balance. I'm leaning towards happy now. Why? Its kinda complicated. Ask me and see if I can explain it. hehz:P
